ANNOUNCER [Delivered as a quick spiel] Are you a werewolf? Do you wake up in the woods wearing nothing but your birthday suit? Are you tired of poison ivy and sumac rashes in private places? Are you sick of wearing pine boughs on the cross-town bus? Maybe, it’s time you got some undies…Full Moon Undies!
Full Moon Undies are light and stretchy. Made of one-hundred-percent titanium fibers, Full Moon Undies will not tear or rip during transformation. They conform to your figure and cover your naughty bits whether you’re in werewolf or human form. Just ask our satisfied customer, Mr. August Fogarty of Walla Walla, Washington.
Sounds of snarling and barking.
ANNOUNCER [In a low voice] Hey, Joe! Why isn’t he wearing the underwear?
JOE [Low voice] It’s a full moon. He changed.
ANNOUNCER [Low voice] Well, put them on him.
JOE [Low voice] You put them on him! Every time I try to slip them over his back legs, he snaps at me. He almost took my (Beep)-ing arm off.
ANNOUNCER [Low voice] Get his wife to do it then. Where is Mrs. Fogarty?
JOE [Low voice] He ate her.
ANNOUNCER [Loudly] And, there you have it! Another satisfied customer. Look for Full Moon Undies at your local department store. Also, for the ladies, try the Full Moon Sports Bra. Now, back to our show.